Blogger's Block and the BHAG

I keep starting posts that get saved as drafts and never posted. This is my third try. Getting stuck on your own blog? How ridiculous. My mind has been a blank, my fingers have been still, no words. Blogger's block? Paul Simon (the songwriter) says that there is never a time when you have nothing to say, there are merely moments when you are afraid to say it. It is the fear that you have to overcome when you are blocked. Alternatively, you are not ready. That is why you are blocked. Your words are not done cooking. How does one overcome acts of self-censorship? Is it time to send a postcard to postsecret?

On further reflection I wonder if it is that I cannot hold a thought in my head long enough to articulate it. {even to myself, in my head.} Things flit by me barely registering in my peripheral vision. When I was a kid I could concentrate very hard on one thing for long periods of time. I turned my attention to one thing and the whole world melted away. Alas, those days are gone. I hear that the adult attention span is about 15-20 minutes. For me it's about 8. It is unlikely that I can reach my BHAG*(Big Hairy Ass Goal) if I can only concentrate on it for such short bursts of time. Maybe I killed too many brain cells this past weekend and the rewiring in my head is taking a while. I swear to you that I used to be smarter.

*the BHAG I went to KW (now KG)'s wedding. And there I met WA who told me that turning 30 was the best thing that ever happened to him. He had accomplished things. He was clearly not a kid anymore so people took him seriously. He felt that he could focus in on his BHAG (Big Hairy Ass Goal) and know that he possessed the skills necessary to attain it. Plus when he got up and looked in the mirror he could say to himself: "Hey! I look pretty good for a man in his 30's." {Other male friends of mine (the late bloomers, not the jocks) seem to feel similarly. They feel that their teens and twenties were spent at the mercy and whim of the girls they knew but they were finally coming into their own. They had more confidence, more money, more character, and felt that the world was their oyster. As a woman of the same age, I kick myself for not recognizing and taking advantage of that asymmetry of youth. I was so concerned with gender equality and being respected for the content of my character that I did not "leverage" the 15 years of my rosy glowing youth.}

I vacillate from having too many BHAGs to having none at all. JD laughs at me because so far my ridiculous projected life plan over the next couple of years looks like this:

1. finish writing and then defend my thesis
2. alter all of my t-shirts (and some other clothes) to actually fit me
3. record an album with the charming fellas at postcard productions
4. book two or three low key shows to play in town before leaving
5. start a non-profit foundation that funds projects that combine innovation and sustainable living with a particular slant towards applying innovation to improved and sustainable living in developing nations. Because it is not that all the world's problems are insurmountable it is that we require greater imagination and courage in facing them.
6. find gainful employment at home.
7. move home and read an intensive course of philosophy with my dad for 6 months to a year while so employed
8. do 6 months of volunteer work abroad with either an archaeological dig or an endangered species conservancy project.
9. Start a syndicated radio talk show project devoted to science. Sort of a popularization of Nature News with a blend of new breakthroughs, the strange and bizarre, witty banter, science education and "how things work."
10. open a very small store called the poet's corner that sells only poetry.
11. open a philosophy store next door that sells philosophy books and has a staff of philosophy graduates willing to sit with you for an hourly rate to discuss your existential crises, challenge your current world view, and help you better understand your place in the universe.
12. find an actual respectable and reasonable way to live, love, and work.
13. write a book.
14. have a kid

Yeah. And I have blue prints for a unicorn ranch. I know. Clearly, I need to shed my foolery and focus in on item 1. and item 12. in 8 minute increments.