Wednesday, April 30, 2008


After a very long flu-imposed hiatus, I have been doing a little bit of yoga. I took a three weekend class for beginners who are interested in preparing to take intermediate classes. I have long understood that I am not actually advanced enough to take the crazy yoga flow 2 classes that I am so fond of at Laughing Lotus. I fall a lot. A lot compared to the rest of the class.

After taking the weekend sessions I have a clearer sense of why that is. I had thought that I was not flexible enough and that my gut was getting in my way. These things do factor in. But additionally, as CK pointed out to me, I am not strong enough yet for a lot of this stuff. My core, my back, my legs, my arms.

Strength comes through more practice and maybe a more diverse program of practice with a variety of different teachers and on my own.

Yesterday, I was in a class in which we did handstands. We did a handstand prep in the middle of the floor. Downward dog, walk your feet in, lift one leg and then kick that leg up. And, I had this moment, where I felt it. I was there. Only one leg, but I was there. I think I even squealed a little. At which point I flopped back down. Close but no stand. It felt qualitatively different from all the times that I had huffed and hopped and kicked and kicked. I felt close. So close that a part of me was kicking myself and asking why I didn't just go with it. Why did I have to sabotage myself like that? While the rest of me was captivated by that feeling. It was like I had kicked up my leg and thrown myself into the great unknown. And the great unknown was there to catch me.

Then we did this exercise where we run up to the wall, using the momentum to throw ourselves into handstand. Which again, I could barely do. I threw myself and at one point found that I had the right half of my body pressed right up against the wall and the left side of me hanging out in the air. In trying to pull myself away from the wall, I crumpled into a little mass of me. It was no fluke, I did this twice the second time during an exercise in which we did handstand on blocks. Same thing, I crumpled.

Part of it was being in a panic at being upside down. Part of it was that I was so disoriented in that upside down state that my brain could not figure out which limbs to control to accomplish the handstand proper.

I need to practice more and get stronger so that one of these days when I throw myself into the great unknown, it will catch me, and I will allow it to hold me.

Monday, April 28, 2008

won't live long with it, can't live long without it

Last week at work, there was a day in which I could not distinguish the feeling of love from the feeling of hunger. So I called CK to confer on this phenomena. After a bit of teleconferring, and based on the lack of an object for this emotion, we determined that it was probably hunger.

I went to the Dr the other week for a check up. My Dr is a cutie. He looks a little like John Larroquette during his "Night Court" days, only less greasy. My Dr is a wise guy (by which I mean funny) and doesn't seem to mind that I am one too. So he tells me that I am healthy with the exception of elevated cholesterol. Which led me for one week to try to implement the kind of diet that drives a girl to sneak ice cream and cheeseburgers in between austere meals. I call it salad in a pita with a slice of turkey. Horrendous. Without cheese, food became a lonely place and meals were dire.

So I have decided to embrace my mortality and my love of cheese. What is life without cheese? Culinary death.

Addendum: The Dr suggested that I stop having cream cheese with my bagel. I asked if butter was a reasonable substitute to which he shook his head. But he could offer me no alternative. The one that I have come up with is: peanut butter.

Learning Curve

I've been learning how to play the REM song "Everybody Hurts." Because I am trying to learn how to fingerpick. Developing the muscle memory takes a lot more time than it used to.

Michael Stipe looks deliciously good in the video.

Walking out of a yoga class the other day I overheard some people talking about the other classes and lessons that they are taking and it struck me that in NYC it seems like everyone is taking a class or a lesson in something. Perhaps it is now New York specific but I am struck by the number of people who are learning to play instruments, learning new languages, learning to dance, learning how to walk and sit better, learning how to do the hully gully, learning to cook, and so on.

On one hand I wonder at the money that people are paying to be taught things. On the other I kind of like that fact that so many people are interested in learning new things beyond their school years.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Can't fight this feeling

The onion in my fridge,
despite the cold and the dark, has put out tender green shoots.
Behind the door she can sense a change
and reaches out in search of the sun.

The trouble with online dating

The more I see them,
the more I want you.

Friday, April 18, 2008

I've read the book.
I know how it ends
and I can't help
but read it again.
You never know,
it might end differently this time.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Another Happy New Year

It is the Thai New Year today. I am catching the tail end of it.

To celebrate, I went back to A's yoga class which has become more impossibly hard than it was a few months ago. Murderous. I walked out of it, looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "Look at that happy face. Who the hell is she?" Well apparently, she is me after A's impossibly strenuous yoga class.

And then I had one crunchy taco at Taco Bell because I had a little over a dollar in my purse and because I had a powerful craving for that yummy plastic nonsense.

Which is probably not traditional but it was a good night nonetheless.

It's like this

In life, there are many things that we learn by example. I think among these is how to love. We learn how to love and be loving by doing but also by the examples around us and through the guidance of those that we know and love.

It may be valuable to meet a person's friends to see what kinds of examples they offer and what guidance they give.

I count myself to be very lucky to have great examples and wonderful guides in my life.

Friday, April 11, 2008


There are people in this world who will draw you out, make you think that you share an experience in common and then leave you hanging.

I think those people suck.

Mr. Excitement

I took in this youtube of Jackie Wilson singing "Lonely Teardrops".

I have always loved this song. But the man. Good god, the man. He is lighter than air. I have never seen the like of him.


Saturday, April 05, 2008

Saturday's Alright

I step out of the bathroom at CK's house to witness her watching an infomercial on hair replacement products. When asked about this she says, "I haven't watched TV in a month, it's fascinating!"