Wednesday, March 14, 2007

good news is in the eye of the beholder

The guy who used to be mine just called to let me know that he met someone and that he is engaged to be married.

When I found out that we were broken up, I started wishing that he would get hit by a bus.
And then I calmed down and we got back in touch and became friendly. In that way that you are not exactly friends but more like you share a bond created out of surviving the same war.

He is the guy who sent me a text that made me cry this past New Year's Eve. I was riding the train above ground and listening Prince wail his version of the song "When U Were Mine" when I got the text. That was when it occurred to me then that maybe I have not moved as far along as I thought.

He is the only guy who has ever asked me to marry him. He didn't mean it. And when he asked I knew he didn't mean it ... but he did ask. And I did say yes.

It was a piece of crap ring with a blue flower and a wire that hung a yellow butterfly over it. It was fragile and lovely.
I broke the thing in about two weeks. First the butterfly, then the flower, then the whole ring. Prescient.

He asked if I would come to the wedding.
I said no.

Attending the weddings of your ex-boyfriends while dateless (Done it three times) is the absolute pits.

Unless Ze Frank sweeps me off my feet in the next few weeks, declaring his undying love, and agrees to be my date to the thing - I think I will take a pass on my ex-boyfriend's wedding.

The compound word of the day: petty-mean-spirited. Use it in a sentence.


searchingforMrDarcy said...

Hang in there Girl! I seem to remember the ring. Either I'm thinking of the wrong guy, he's got engaged rather quick, or it's been longer than I thought. Anyway don't feel bad about not going to the wedding! Seriously! While it may have been nice of him to invite you (one wonders is it really nice to invite exes to weddings ...) you are no obligation to go.

Groucho Castaneda said...

Dude... tell your ex to take his stupid nuptials and shove them up his fiancee's prissy ass.

Unless they were calling me for a hot last-minute whambam session, I'd be offended if any of my ex's even bothered to tell me they were getting married, let alone invite me to the ceremony.

Look, all I can say is that if he's comfortable inviting you to his wedding, then your romantic relationship wasn't nearly intense enough. Romance ought to be like an atomic detonation... after it's over it should leave a cloud of dangerous emotional fallout that no sane individual would go near. Your ex ought to be thinking "Invite S____ to my wedding? No way! I'd either end up sleeping with her and breaking off my engagement or else we'll get into a drunken screaming match halfway through the reception!"

Immature? Of course it is! This is deep reptile-brain territory we're talking about here - things oughta be primal, otherwise it's no fun.

IMHO, the only times you should continue to hang out with someone you once slept with are:

1. You had a kid together and need to continue collaborating on raising your child.

2. You were never more than fuck buddies / friends with benefits, without any possessiveness / serious emotional investment going on.

3. You're (consciously or unconsciously) trying to get back with them. This was the case with my wife - the only ex I continued to hang out with after the breakup.

You know, you're just like my sister, who recently called me all bummed out after attenting her ex's wedding in NYC. What's it with all you overly cerebral science-PhD girls and your ex's, anyway?

All I can say is forget these lukewarm relationships and go out and find yourself some HOT ROMANCE!

That's my $1.05.

ldbug said...

See, this is why you need to hang out with me on St. Pats and get completely shnockered! We'll get decked out in green and glitters and just drink our cares away for a day.

So sorry about the news:-( Boys can seriously suck sometimes...

Kat E said...

Geez, there's nothing petty-mean-spirited about not wanting to see an ex get married, date or no date. IMO, you should have told this guy to shove it completely a long time ago. Methinks this would be a good time to cut the cord.

BeckyBumbleFuck said...

That dumb f*@ker. I'm so glad you're rid of him. And cheers to Groucho. He's right about it, especially that first bit. It wasn't good enough; there will be much better.
I will drink one for you and Patrick today. ;)

ergo said...

sfmd: Thanks. You're thinking of the right guy. I guess I'm not as enlightened as I ought to be.

gc: Love as atomic bomb. It's so apocalytically romantic. =)

ldbug: I want to be the mature gracious cool person ... it just stings a little.

kat e & bbfk: LOL! You guys are the best. *hug*