Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Memories spoiled by neurotics

Over the weekend I had this uneventful, goofy, fun evening with the Fella. Later, on further reflection, I wondered whether there would be other nights like that. They couldn't all be like that. They haven't all been like that. I don't know where it came from.

Would there be others? How many? I tried to project into the future, to extrapolate - to imagine. If we were together for eons at some point would we stop having funny goofy nights like that?

It is highly uncharacteristic for me to try to project into the future about anything, much less a relationship with a man.

It is typical of me to ruminate over a happy memory while feeling a sense of loss and a touch of sadness because that moment is over and there is an uncertainty about to whether there will be other moments in my life like it.

It's the "some is good, more is better" fallacy.

Would that I could separate my ability to count from my ability to experience and remember joy.

In this situation, AT would tell me that as important as it is to have it, it is also important to make sure that you do not spoil your own pleasure.

Much like what happens when you go from joy at hearing that someone loves you to agony trying to figure out how much they love you. Some things are better in binary.

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