Tuesday, January 22, 2013

An oversimplification for all of us lonely people.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved.  Nothing.  It's perfectly natural.  Everyone wants to be loved.

But it's not simple.

The problem is that you can't just whip up a plan of action for how you are going to get that to happen.  It often seems that the more effort you put forward in trying to get specific people to love you, the weirder things get.

Perhaps the best approach is to focus on loving the people in your life and who you meet.  Perhaps the best approach is to not get overly fixated on figuring out how to be loved by a particular person.

Even then, that is not the whole story.

You might need to recognize not just that you want to be loved but also that you are, in fact, lovable and that it is possible for others to love you.  It's possible for you to have this thing that you want.

Easier said than done.  Consider it a challenge.

You might need to recognize when someone is not being loving to you.  In your desire to be loved you will be vulnerable and might encounter people who will not be careful and respectful.  You have options.   You could draw their attention to this and ask them to stop or you could leave.  Recognize that staying in such a situation might cause you injury and scarring.  This will make it that much harder for you to love and receive the love of others.

Part of the challenge is recognizing that you perceive the love of others in a specific way, perhaps unique to you and won't always recognize love if it is not expressed to you on your terms.  Someone might be expressing love to you now.

Even if you do recognize that love is being expressed, if it's not in a way that fills that space in you, it might not be enough.  You might have to translate it for yourself.  Or you might have to ask for  what you need and recognizing that they might not be willing or able to give it to you.  Are you okay with accepting love as they express it or do you need for it to be expressed your way?

There is no right or wrong in this.  It might even be context dependent.  It's just useful to understand.

Love, we all want it and we all do it, surely at some point we can get what we want from the person we give it to.

Or you could get a dog.  By "you", I mean me and you and him and her and all of us.

Then again, what do I know?

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