How you play the game

"Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will. Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them, and these will continue till they are resisted with either words or blows, or both. The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress."
- Fredrick Douglass

I did not Occupy Wall Street. But I am grateful that the movement exists. People complain about their methods. They do not like their style. They need to shower. They need more focus. They need to be reasonable or more goal oriented. They need to articulate one realistic and achievable demand and then go home.

Frankly things are so f'ed up that coming together to make only one simple demand seems irresponsible.

In these polarized times, being reasonable or rational does not appear to be very effective. Perhaps a compromise dressed in the rhetoric of reasonableness is a place where you end up with all of the icky horsetrading that probably goes along with it. But in the opening moves of your negotiation, it is a terrible place to start.

Especially when a Republican Senator will publicly say inflammatory things that are "not intended to be a factual statement."

In these polarized times, perhaps a page is best taken from the political playbook of Hari Kondabolu.

"In this country, when you start out with a reasonable proposal it gets - it gets watered down."



It makes rescinding the Bush tax cuts look extremely reasonable and rational in comparison.

The Kerning Game

I'm obsessed with this game:

http://type.method.ac/

"Someday I'll be living in a big old city"

At long last I have heard the songs of Taylor Swift.

PJS told me that I really needed to listen to Mean. Turns out she was right. Not only did I need to listen to the song, I found that I needed to listen to this song almost continuously for a couple of weeks. It's been a while since that happened. I am with her until the part where she calls the mean girl "a liar and pathetic." For some reason that bugs me each and every time I hear it.

But I find that I cannot listen to her other songs. They make me too sad. They make me realize how jaded I have become. Not so jaded that I can dismiss the point of view and sentiments of these songs. But enough to recognize the distance between where I am and what I had imagined as a young girl.

Mini Mid-life Crisis

Press play here: Miniskirt by Esquivel

I am 41. I spent my 20's and my 30's acting like I was in my 20's and I have crashed right into my 40's. I am not sure what I was supposed to go through in my 30's. I hope that I do not find myself at a disadvantage later in life for having skipped the life lessons of that decade as the years roll on.

I have started facing down the many boxes of things that I abandoned to the basement of the house of my parents. A lot of dreams delayed and a lot of relics of the life and person that I once was. Among these items, I found four miniskirts. I do not remember wearing them as a youth and I should get rid of them.

Hello Kitty t-shirts, short shorts, halter tops, tube tops, mini-skirts, velvet dresses with big bows - these are the trappings of youth. On a woman of a certain age, they look weird. They look wrong.

But my subconscious cannot quite accept this yet. I have been wearing them, the skirts, that is. Wearing them to lunch, wearing them to brunch, wearing them to work. Granted, I am short, so the skirts are not as short as they ought to be, more like an inch above the knee. But still, I imagine myself to be very close to getting some sort of reprimand from HR. BE has advised me to at least throw some thick tights on with them.

I am "The delusional woman who is still trying to pull it off." I am trying to prevent myself from buying any new miniskirts and have told myself that I must donate the skirts in question to Goodwill on my 45th birthday. Check in with me on that one.

It might have been Gwyneth Paltrow's appearance on Glee that first sparked this crime against fashion. With the difference in our ages, height and figures, the effect is not the same. But heck, I figure it's now or never. Perhaps next year I will start wearing bikinis to lunch, brunch and the office. I am, after all, 30 years from wearing Christmas tree sweaters with Santa Claus pins.

It possible that I would be better off buying a red convertible sports car.

Food, glorious food

On my flight to SF on Virgin Atlantic I watched a video segment created by Chefs Feed. The program is based on an iphone app which gets the recommendations of the best chefs in a given city on where and what they eat when they are not working.

Curious, I took notes on the places recommended, got off the plane, dropped off my bag and went to Lung Shan Restaurant, also known as Mission Chinese Food. It's a short walk from the 16th St. and Mission stop of the BART.

It's crowded and dark and has a faded chinese restaurant decor. I was the only table of one during their lunch rush and they were extremely unhappy about this.

The waitstaff seemed to be a mix of Asian American dudes and tiny older Asian women who don't speak much English. They smiled and chatted with everyone else in the place except me at my four top solo. It was extremely not subtle.

I ordered the Tea-Smoked Eel and the Salted Cod Fried Rice. The Fried Rice was the Chefs Feed chef's recommendation.

The Tea-Smoked Eel arrived and went and then they tried to give me the check and shoo me from the place. I am glad that I insisted on staying for the other course.

The Tea-Smoked Eel sounded like it would be heavenly. I love Eel. I love noodles. A noodle wrapped mess of tea-smoked eel with chinese celery, sounded like it would be a great balance between smokey soy eel, with the crisp celery blanketed in lovely noodle. There was also some kind of crunchy thing, like corn flakes but not. Eel can be a bit boney, scratching your throat with the swallow, the crunchies did not help. I could see adding it to balance the texture of the big floppy noodle.

But.

They also included pulled ham hock in the noodle wrap. The ham hock of itself was delicious. It was also excellently paired with a lovely noodle and chinese celery. And totally went with the crispy thing. But it masked any evidence that there's eel in there.

I was disappointed.

But then there was Salted Cod Fried Rice. It looks like a big heap of fried rice with egg, scallions, chinese sausage and tons of cilantro. And then. Ginger. They also put in thinly sliced slivers of ginger.

Amazing. It was salty and not too oily, very light, and ginger scallion-y. The egg was perfect. The sausage. I thought I was full when the rice arrived. And I promptly scarfed half the plate down. It was love. It was 10 years of hugs. I didn't care how much the staff scowled at me or the about the anxious hungry waiting customers. I was communing with something sublime. And by God, it was going to be a part of me. Such satisfaction. Perfect on a grey drizzly day.

I wished that I had come with a group of people so that I could taste and then gobble up the rest of the menu - the broccoli beef cheek or the sizzling cumin lamb, at least.

So, go with friends. If you don't have friends get take out or make friends for this purpose.

Have the Salted Cod Fried Rice, order everything except the Tea-Smoked Eel and tell me how it is.

They serve booze. They take credit cards.

That fried rice is so good that they don't have to be nice, they just have to bring the plate.

GO!

what I am really thinking

The other day I thought to myself:

I want to be adored. I should get a dog.

Six of One

1. Continental Airlines busted my new piece of wheeled luggage. It was one of those things with the four independently spinning wheels. Strangely, the way the weight was distributed it was easier to push on all four wheels than pull on two. And those things really need a different sort of push handle from the pull type. Despite this, it's a marvelous innovation. Sometimes innovation is not the introduction of new technology but the application of an existing technology to a new use or context. In this case, the independently spinning wheel has been at the front of your shopping cart with either the front left or the front right one getting stuck and causing you much grief for quite a while now.

But back to the luggage, I got to use mine for four trips before one of the front wheels got busted off. A bag with three wheels is not as good as two and certainly not as good as four. However they were sufficient to get me home in one piece and the gorilla at the Munich airport can celebrate a job well done with a banana split.

Improving the robustness of the front spinning wheel would put a company at the head of the class in luggage or grocery shopping carts. It would also make me their loyal customer.

2. I have not slept for weeks and suspect that an emotional cog has gotten loose as a result. I have been crying during the in-flight movies. I am not sure whether this is because they are really moving or because I am so tired. I am pleased to report that I did not cry during "The Zookeeper" but I did cry during "Mr Popper's Penguins" and during "Monte Carlo." I even cried during a scene or two of "The Green Lantern" and not because I find it so bizarre to see Ryan Reynolds cast as a leading man (even more bizarre to see Ryan Reynolds cast as a superhero). If time had permitted me to watch the Dragonball Z live action movie, I have no doubt that it would have made me cry too.

3. Yesterday an airport security dog ( a spaniel or a beagle) was trotting around the baggage claim area sniffing things and people. I assumed sniffing for bombs. At one point I saw the officer with the dog walk up to a man and a woman wearing backpacks and start talking with them. She (the officer) asked to search the backpack of the man. In the backpack was an orange. The dog had sniffed out an orange from foreign lands deep in the backpack of a very tall German dude. It was my real time Animal Planet moment. I was waiting for the narration to kick in. And now I wonder what this dog's job is. Does it sniff for hazardous things or contraband? All of the above? If you placed that orange in a metal container full of coffee grounds, would the dog still detect it? And after an 8-10 hour flight packed in coffee grounds, would you still want to eat it?

A foreign orange is verboten. Invasive microbial species are no joke, Kids. An invasive fungus or plant virus could do a hell of a lot of damage. It would come in invisible, undetected. But if it spread to Florida or California from one European orange and if our local oranges had no natural protective strategy and if they were not being treated with chemicals that would protect them, well, it could be a very big deal. Dutch Elm disease. There, I said it.

Although I wonder if you could quarantine and decontaminate it. Maybe stick it under a UV light for several minutes. After all, we bring in agricultural imports all the time. What is the procedure in that case?

4. Waiting in line for the bathroom in the aisle of the plane, I thought about how I was standing in a big metal tube barreling through the air at speeds and distances that I can not match on foot, what a miracle modern flight technologies is. This rarely occurs to me. I mostly complain about the food and the seats and the people around me (especially the ones that hog all the carry-on luggage space and lower their seat backs all the way into my lap), the bathrooms and gas cramps. Oh, the gas cramps. But really, it's an amazing thing that I am taking for granted. Truly remarkable. A miracle of our modern times. And the fact that one such as I would have access to it, is doubly remarkable.

5. My smartphone does not have data connectivity when I am in Europe. It becomes a big heavy cell phone with very expensive service. It's mostly a big pocket watch. When the plane touches down and I can see the 3G logo in the upper right hand corner and it flashes orange and green, I get a little happy.

6. There is a grocery chain in Germany called Edeka. They have two locations at the Munich airport. I am very fond of the one in Terminal 1. I have a thing for grocery stores.

They have a contraption that will give you fresh squeezed orange juice. You put a bottle on a platform, push a button and orange juice gets freshly squeezed right into the bottle. The housing of the machinery is clear so you can watch the oranges roll up to the juicer and get squeezed. It's pretty cool.

They also have a bottle recycling deposit machine. The plastic bottles all have an added deposit cost associated with them, as is the case in some states in the US. Anywhere from 0.15 to 0.35 Euro. It's a big machine with a hole in the middle. You stick the bottles in an opening and the machine uses some kind of laser or sensor to scan the bottle and make sure that it is recyclable. Maybe scan the label? I don't know. It beeps red if it's going to reject the bottle and green if it's acceptable. Very SciFi. After you have put in all of your bottles, you push a button and it spits out a voucher for your money which you can use at the grocery store checkout. Motivation to recycle and then spend that money right there.

6. I told someone that I currently have a job but no career. I have had this job for 5 years and am growing old while doing it. He asked what my career plans were. No idea. Goddamn Steve Jobs for dying. I had seen this commencement speech before. And when he died, I remembered watching it and have watched it again a few times. What a character. What conviction. What an interesting life.

7. My plans to sleep late and spend the day puttering at home are basically destroyed. There are workmen banging on the walls outside replacing the siding. So much for unpacking and organizing. I moved about a month ago and have been so on the move that I have not had a chance to unpack yet. The sound of banging, power tools, hollering and singing makes it hard to focus. Plus walking by a window and seeing workmen standing on a scaffolding right there, is a bit disconcerting. The sleeping late did not happen. I am trying to putter through the din. They took a lunch break but I hear them walking back upstairs to resume their work. So I'm going to go out into the world.

Five Years, here

1. This week marks my five year anniversary. Five years in New York and five years at the place where I work. Five years of floatery. And in honor of this I intend to throw a shindig, at some point. But for now, I called my folks to announce the news and then took myself out on a date.

2. I have great dates with myself. It's easy to do in NYC. There are places that you can go and just linger - have some quality time with yourself. I went to a place called the Risotteria. I love risotto especially when it is made by others. What I did not realize was that I was walking into a Gluten-free haven. It was narrow, crowded and warm. Too warm for summer but at other times of the year, I'm sure very cozy.

This did not change the fact that the risotto with fontina, zucchini and oven baked tomatoes was delicious.

3. I kept myself company with a book. I have been reading a book called "How to Be Idle" by Tom Hodgkinson which is just lovely. Idleness is what I miss most in this stage of my life. Those endless stretches of time in which to ponder and reflect, in which to dream and nap.

I am not a go-getter. But there has been a lot of busy-ness and busy work to take up large swathes of my time of late. Many distractions. Distractions and entertainment are pleasures as well, but the languid passage of time, delicious.

Pure idling makes me antsy these days. It takes time for me to ease myself into it sometimes there is not enough time for me reach that state. I do try to do nothing on occassion. My preferred method is that of the flâneur or in my case, la flâneuse. I want to buy 10 copies of it and send them to friends and loved ones. Because of this I thought that I had missed Manhattanhenge.

4. Two days of the year, the sun sets at an angle such when you look down a city street from east to west, the sun sets right down the middle of the street, framed by buildings on both sides. Were it not for Twitter and MomVee, I would not have ever know about this. Manhattanhenge.

The day after, I dragged the Fella out to the Crocodile Lounge for beers and free pizza and to ensure that we were on 14th street to see the sunset. To see whether some remnant of the Manhattanhenge effect could be seen.

5. Let me begin by saying that the pizza at the Crocodile Lounge is best eaten hot. You need to let it cool enough to eat. But do not let it cool so much that the cheese gets cold and congealed. The pizza has a very narrow window for enjoyable eating if you have not yet had enough to drink.

6. As for watching the sunset on 14th street - 14th street actually has trees. So if you are too far east, the trees obscure your view of the west side of the island and the sun itself.

The Fella and I got around this by crossing back and forth across 14th street as slowly as we could while staring Westward. And behold, the sun was setting in frame although a bit to the north of the middle of the street. As we walked westward down the street, at one point, we joined a group of other people who wanted to witness this phenomena and many of the bushy-est trees were behind us. We all stood in the middle of the street whenever the traffic lights permitted and gawked and took pictures and oooh'd and aaawww'd. There were probably about 20 of us.

The second recommendation I would have is to wear sunglasses. The sun is not as strong but it is still bright.

The third recommendation I would have is be present for the experience. I was trying to adjust the camera settings on my phone and heard everyone else say, "It's over. Let's go." I missed the actual moment when the Sun crept below the horizon. Or you could adjust the settings on your camera before the festivities get underway.

Lastly, you might want to try a street that is not 14th. Although that being said, 14th was kinda cool. After this the Fella and I continued wandering the city, a favorite pasttime of mine, until late.

7. Which meant that I got a late start on the next day and in a fit of deranged, cranky, ravenous hunger dragged BE out with me to get a sandwich. He had discovered that a nearby place on Varick Street called the Little Italy Pizzeria has a corned beef sandwich that cannot be beat. If ever there was a sandwich that could soothe the raging beast to the point of pure food inspired happiness, it would be corned beef on a roll with mustard and mayo from this place. BE got the brisket sandwich with gravy, which I am sure is also good.

8. It was so filling that after eating 3/4 of it, I was good for the rest of the day until later when I went to Pier 54 for a River Rocks show. The tUnEyArDs played a show. (a band that BE introduced me to) Waited in a not horrible line. Couldn't see a thing and was surrounded by tall people. So I have to watch some youtube vidoes to see how she does what she do. It was, near as I can tell, a bass player, two saxophones and Merrill Garbus, drumming, singing, harmonizing, playing the ukelele and god knows what else. It was incredible. Just incredible. I was blown away. And then. and then, as the tUnEyArDs finished playing the encore, there were fireworks.

9. I got very sick on the 4th of July weekend and missed the fireworks. Only to get to enjoy a fireworks display from the pier. I do not believe people who say that they are unimpressed by fireworks and don't enjoy zoos. I say, no matter how jaded you become. A fireworks display is a winner. I don't care how many you have seen. Pretty, colored explosions in the sky - bad ass.

So far, it's been a good week, the week of my 5th anniversary.

The Problem with Problems

I was crankypants yesterday. And still am a bit today. I have a litany of disappointments and irritations. They are minor and trifling but utterly engrossing me right now.

UPS, my neighbors, the Brooklyn Public Library, the limited utility of a repeater, my inability to make a decision based on incomplete information, how quickly the time passes, how difficult it is to get things done, how expensive travel can be, the dollar/euro exchange rate, and on and on and on.

I think it mostly comes down to having difficulty accepting the imperfection of the world, myself and other people.

The funny thing is, even when things are resolved, I cannot let myself be happy about the resolution and the fact that a problem is solved. I continue to upset myself over the fact that the problem occurred at all. Or I realize that the identified and solved problem is not the only one that needs addressing. Or I discover another problem almost immediately. Or then encounter the same problem again in a slightly different context. Or decide that the problem is indicative of a much larger issue, one that is intrinsic and perhaps impossible to deal with. And then I feel a kind of futility.

When, really, that is a part of what life is. An endless series of problems to be solved, avoided or accepted.

The phrase, "Our problems are over!" is a fantasy. You can say, "This problem is solved." But you have to understand that that is not the end of it. That solution is not going to make all of your problems go away forever.

Fairy Tales end with happily ever after. And movies can too. Perhaps in some cases novels as well. But life, we overcome, we carry on and encounter new obstacles. It's more like a TV series. Every episode has it's own situation, it's own conflict to tackle.

And that is a silly thing to be crankypants about because I am not the only one and this is just the nature of things.

A demonstration:

You: "Why are you unhappy?"

Me: "Because my life is not a fairy tale."

Ridiculous.

And really, how boring would life be without a focus, a goal, a conflict or problem to address. Maybe the challenge is to find what is interesting in the obstacles encountered while seeking out other obstacles associated with goals that are more engaging and / or rewarding.

Which only makes me feel slightly better.

Foreshadowing?

I unpacked my bags today, only to discover that I packed two bottles of Advil.

Hmmmmmm......

Rediscoveries and Second Lives

I can pick a single from an album. Back when they used to make albums, I could listen to one and pick out the singles before turning on the radio.

But with TV, I do not have this ability. If I love a show it is very likely to be canceled. My So-Called Life, Felicity, Dawson's Creek, Firefly, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Studio 60.

CBS had this great sitcom, "The Class." Crazy, right? a great sitcom on CBS.

It came out at the same time as "How I Met Your Mother". They were scheduled back to back. CBS canceled it after one season.

The head of this Class was Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Richie Velch. He has amazing physical comedy skills. Amazing.

The rest of the cast was also excellent including: Heather Goldenhersh as Lina Warbler and John Ritter's son Jason Ritter as Ethan Haas, the man who brings them all together in the pilot.

To my utter delight the episodes of "The Class" can be found on youtube.

Dear CBS, you were the shortsighted corporate dumbasses who canceled this amazing show. You did not know what you had. And considering that you never released the complete season on DVD, you don't know what to do with it now. So steer clear. Allow it to have a continued life online for all of us to enjoy.

shouting at paper to get the shouting right on paper

Someday, I will do a staged reading of emails where the text in all caps will be read as screaming. I am curious to see whether they have the emphasis placed on the right words and phrases. It would suggest to me that they speak aloud while they are composing these messages to make sure that the phrasing is correct.

Among causes for violence

I have only encountered one situation in which near violent behavior towards an inanimate object made me the recipient of great sympathy.

When the tampon machine in the ladies' room ate my quarter.

Even better

Better than really tall women are really tall women wearing very tall shoes.

difficult people

Difficult people often have this curious attitude in which they are difficult and make your life difficult and yet they so clearly very much want you to sympathize with them and care about their feelings either because or despite what a pain in the ass they are.

They don't seem to realize that you have your own point of view that is strongly influenced by what a colossal pain in your ass they are.

Coming back to earth

Sometimes the distance between what the world is and what you wish it to be is very vast. One would think that with age, the shock of this would dull.

And perhaps it does.

futility of trust

I want to trust in the fact that other people are doing their jobs and doing them well.

But so far, this desire has only bitten me in the ass. Repeatedly.

Gloomy thought

I had this depressing thought. The very rich don't have to worry about the environment. They will find a way to get theirs and make money off of everyone else whether things are good or bad.

And not only do the rest of us need to do something about it, we have to find a way to fight and ignore the propaganda, marketing and misinformation that they spread that encourage us to support and aid in the destruction of said environment.

This one only goes to Seven

1. The sidewalks are impossibly icy. I wish I owned cleats.

I walked home in mincing fragile little steps. And cursed and shrieked every time I slipped.

2. Of the five windows I spent weeks weatherproofing, only two are intact. The landlady has seen fit to open the windows to go out and deal with ice problems. They, of course, opened the draftiest ones. Hello, Cold, come right in, make yourself at home. Sometimes I wonder why I even try

3. We have mice again. I have not seen them myself but apparently they are here.

4. It feels like whatever I do is undone by those around me. Or someone has decided that it is their job to have me do and redo the damn thing.

5. I tried to go to Drink and Draw. But it was canceled. I considered going to a different figure drawing event but then work swallowed me whole and did not spit me out until it was too late.

6. CK asked me if I was depressed. I think it's the giant invisible bird that's mistaken my skull for an egg and will not get up from it's nested position on my noggin. (shakes fist and invisible giant bird.)

7. I revamped my online dating profile and now I have a fan. Someone who likes my profile so much that he is bound to be disappointed in me. I cannot decide if this means that I should be more specific or more vague in the future.

So nice hearing from you

Astrology.com sent me two horoscopes for the day.

And I got emails from three yoga studios.

The mystical must miss me. That, or the mystical must think that I miss it. Equally plausible.

The A is silent

I have been setting up and testing automated "email a friend" functions today.

Because they are tests that I am sending to myself, in the main body I have been typing "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
I find it strangely cleansing, as if I were actually screaming at the top of my lungs.

My Thursday Companion

The Shins, oh how I love you.

Truly and Purely.

Continuing education

The Brooklyn Kitchen, perhaps known to some of you as The Meat Hook, in Williamsburg offers cooking classes.

LV pointed this out to me and we signed up for the pizza making class.

The guys teaching (from Roberta's) were really great - funny, knowledgeable, friendly. As might be expected, they were passionate about pizza. It was a hands on class. We each had our own station and ingredients. Everyone had an apron. They served beer. You can't really ask for more.

We spent the first part of the class making dough and the second part taking dough that had been proofed and making pizza.

The pizzas were delicious.

Everyone took their dough home to make pizzas with.

Mine did not turn out nearly as well as the ones in class:





To begin, I think I should have divided the dough last night. Maybe coat it with a little olive oil to keep from drying out. And let it warm up to room temp before even trying to handle it. Tip of the iceberg.

Clearly I need LOTS more practice. My track record with bread type things is not so hot. Lots more practice. LOTS!!!!

Still, it was a fun way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I'm definitely interested in taking another class there.

Easy things that are not

Warning, this post is very long and boring. We file it under, how I spent a lot of my weekend.

A while back I bought some recording software from Guitar Center.
The guys behind the counter advised me to buy the software on CD rather than download it online. So I did.

To borrow a phrase from Lyle Lovett, that is when I should have known that I had made my first mistake.

I took the box home and placed it in my living room with the intention of getting around to it. I respond to the things that I buy in one of two ways. I either tear the box open and muck about or I set the box to the side and get accustomed to its smell and presence before doing a thing with it.

With the second response, there is danger that I will set it aside forever, either because I get distracted by other things or because I never get over the newness and strangeness.

I waited my way into the new year and this long weekend, I decided that it was time to install the program. I could play with it and hole up for the rest of the winter.

I generally anticipate that a thing will either be impossibly hard, too difficult to even try, or easy peasy - a quicky jiffy,

When it comes to technology I always and incorrectly assume that it will be the latter.

First there was the long overdue maintenance that was needed for the laptop, the upgrades and scans and shuffling about of things.

After getting all of that out of the way, I got to the part where I put in the disk. The drive whirled and the start up menu displayed. All good signs.

Except that I had misplaced the piece of plastic on which they had printed my registration serial number. Which they would need to confirm that I had a legitimate copy of the program. I didn't put it in the box where I had found it. I had put it somewhere else. Somewhere visible to remind me that this installation was one of the things that I wanted to do. Only, it was no longer visible.

I turned the house upside down looking for it. For many months it lived on the coffee table, amidst a mass of papers and folders and books sometimes under, sometimes on top of or beside. But then my desire to see a clear surface in the house overwhelmed my desire for a visual reminder and prompted me to put it somewhere very safe. So safe that it took me three hours to relocate the card with the registration number.

Note to Self, cleaning, clearing and organizing are three different but related processes. None of which I am apparently that skilled at.

Now I was set. Except that the disk wouldn't install the program. I kept getting an error message. First I thought that this was because I was trying to install without having an active internet connection.

I couldn't get on the internet to save my life for a day and a half from the laptop that I wanted to use for this purpose. And then somehow while clicking around, messing with this or that utility flipping settings on and off, I found a wireless connection. YAY!

But it still didn't work. With a bit of Googling, I found a forum at the company website with a thread directly dealing with this problem. But could not read it without becoming a forum user. I registered and found out that there was an error in the box installer. I was going to have to download the demo and upgrade it.

Now, I don't know about you but if I were this company, Image Line, I would have put in a recall on those CD's. If I were Guitar Center, I would have pulled them from my shelves. MINUS POINTS. So after all that talk about getting the thing in the box, I had to download it online.

And then I lost internet access so I couldn't do a thing.

Now on the last day of my long weekend, I am sitting at the foot of the stairs in my building where I appear to have some internet signal, trying to download and install the program. I saw a note in one of the forums that of the four mirror sites where I can download the demo, two or three of them don't work. I tried to download from one of them to no avail. The second mirror site seems to be working. At least the download has worked. Now the demo is installed. I am trying to figure out how to use the registration key to convince the demo that I should be allowed to use the full version. I am downloading the files that should come up automatically in the hopes that if I install them individually they will figure out how to shake hands with each other. Having never used this software before, I can only hope that I will be able to figure out at what point I have downloaded and installed the product that I paid for.

And then I maybe I will get to play around with it for the remaining part of winter, that is, if I don't get distracted again.

Perhaps I should have gotten an analog 4 track with knobs and sliders.

:\

What I should be tweeting right now

I am wearing too much eyeliner today.

And I am still trapped at my desk at work.

These two facts are not related. Merely concurrently true.

Sigh

Leaving denial is much trickier than one might think. It is so comfortable with all those fluffy pillows, all that cotton candy, and the wonderful way it takes the edge off of reality.

A last good bye to 2010

I've been trying to recall what happened in 2010. It's all so fuzzy. It was fuzzy as it was happening and now, even more so. But for some reason I am compelled to recap. I'm going to blame the Christmas letters that I received. (Let me insert here that they are delightful.) I am not so organized as to be able to do one, but if I were, what would be on it?

In 2010

1. I saw the Canstruction competition
2. I watched someone make stone tools at a wine and cheese reception at the NYAS
3. I saw a few really stellar science talks at the Secret Science Club, one in particular: Iain Couzin
4. I turned 40
5. I threw a Cougar Cotillion
6. I had jury duty, was selected and served, they settled out of court.
7. I accosted Malcolm Gladwell. He was so kind about it.
8. I was a mermaid in the Mermaid Parade
9. I went to a roller derby bout
10. I helped one friend move three times
11. I played a cafe show at the 92nd Street Y
12. I bought a bike
13. I played D&D for the first time ever
14. I met someone I like. He wasn't into it. Hey, them's the breaks.
15. I went to NEXT HOPE 2010
16. I went to the Open Video Conference
17. I worked for a week in the UK
18. I got to experience the Momofuku Bo Saam Pork Butt meal (amazing)
19. I caulked, weatherstripped and weatherized all the winders in my apartment and spackled a giant gape in the bedroom wall
20. I rode the 35 mile version of the New York Century ride
21. I went to a Moth Story Slam
22. I played Tranny Bingo
23. I took a pole dancing class
24. I saw the Magna Carta and a Guttenberg bible
25. I walked in the Greenwich Village Halloween parade
26. I worked in Germany for a week
27. I went to the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear
28. I reconnected with some very dear old friends
29. I went to Niagara Falls, Ontario
30. I saw BBFK get married (YAY!)
31. I crashed and burned in Nanowrimo Only got to 15,000 words.
32. Tried laser hair removal (hated it)
33. Prepped and printed 1500 name badges for one event
34. I got a smartphone
35. I attended SantaCon, as a Santa
36. I witnessed Santa-on-Santa violence
37. I won money in the office raffle and promptly spent it all on booze and nonsense
38. I baked an apple pie from scratch
39. I have come to terms with the fact that I am a hoarder and must monitor this tendency vigilantly
40. I attended the Hackers 15th anniversary party
41. I found an alternate way to get into a headstand in yoga. Now I can do a headstand!

It would probably look better if I used full sentences, threw in some pictures, and cut this list down to 10 items or less.

Mostly, Life led me around by the nose and to nowhere in particular. Perhaps I spent too much of it tortured and longing for love.

It happens. I've had worse things happen in a year.

And now on to 2011.

Wishing you all a Wonderous 2011. Let's kick some ass.