Thursday, April 28, 2005

the day

"Truth is my friend, just between good guys. It's not what road you take, what life you pick to live in. No matter what you choose, the longing is a given. And that's what makes the ache that only the good guys ache."

Closer than Ever is a fucking brilliant musical. No two ways about it. Although it seems like longing for the road not taken is an ache that people who are not good guys might also feel.

Today I got up with a start wrote a few pages of my thesis and then got distracted. I'm not sure what I was doing. I sent a few emails and stared at my fingernails, I guess. I am still reeling from bad news and hostility encountered over the past week. Like a stone dropped in a pond the ripples continue to spread from the center.

I tried to drag My Guy to a banquet fundraiser for a healthcare advocacy group - dinner and a speaker. He didn't want to go. But he didn't make that abundantly clear until today, the day of. We got lost on the way there. Frontage roads are highly unreliable. The banquet hall was on a stretch of road not easy to access. And maps.msn.com with its assumptions about streets being through was no help at all. Finally finally we found it and the parking lot was full and I spied the car of two of the nasty cats that has been making our lives suck these days and lost the desire to attend. My Guy was anxious saying that protocol requires that if you are late it's rude to walk in and sit down. But money is always welcome. I caved. I walked in, cut them a check and walked back out. My Guy peeked into the hall and said that all the tables were full with the exception of one reserved table and a half occupied table where the nasty cats were sitting. No banquet, no lousy catered food, $55 poorer, no boring speeches, and no nasty cats.

He took me out for a swanky dinner that neither of us can afford and I had duck _and_ paella. The wine made me talkative. He was his usual abrupt monosyllabic self. With wine I don't notice it as much.

I talked about people with whom I feel comfortable vs. those who make me feel uncomfortable. Some people don't "ring right" to me. Y'know like crystal. If it's high quality it sounds a certain way. Some people ring right. Others don't. Like they are insincere or have something to hide or are uncomfortable in their own skin. It's a wholistic thing. I can't put my finger on the exact things that leads me to feel this way. I just get the off vibe off of some people. I don't know if it means anything. It's funny that I would feel this way since I am fairly secretive myself. Lies of omission to not hurt people is my M.O.

Makes me laugh b/c I was talking to G about which bars I like and which I don't. And it comes down to sincerity. I like a bar that seems unpretentious. A bar that feels authentic. I guess that's what I look for in people too.

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