If you fall, say you'll fall for me, when autumn leaves are falling from the trees.
a. I saw Built to Spill. I only recently discovered them through various young men that I have been meeting. They were a bunch of regular looking guys who played wistful melodic music and could jam on and on forever. They only played one song that I actually knew but it was a good one and really, I didn't care. It was like sunshine radiating from the stage. It felt so good to be there and bask in the light. I felt pieces of myself temporarily fall into place. TBW, who went to the show with me, apparently didn't feel the same and left before me without saying good bye, not even a tap on the shoulder.
That was the last time I saw TBW, who has moved to SF and back into a life of research. He was my bitch and moan about work buddy. Probably best for the morale of both of us to be separated. I am hopeful that the move back to the bench and a change of scene will bring him greater happiness.
b. I found my NYC bar. The first bar that felt like home to me in the City. It was lost but now it's found. On off nights when I have nothing to do, that is where I intend to be.
c. After a summer together, the LYM asked to take a break. I think that I kinda know what that means but not really. It may mean that he needs some time to himself and then we will resume our particular acquaintance. It may mean that he is trying to also leave me without exactly saying good bye. Good bye is hard. I am not so good at it. I am not sure that anyone is, besides Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan (of Friends). We will see.
My abandonment issues are coming into play here. He asked for this right as I was leaving for a work trip. He asked for this six days before my 38th birthday. His timing is impeccable. Makes me think of that blues song: "Nobody love me, but my mother. And she might be jivin' too." Very young men are bad news. BAD NEWS!
d. I was in Chicago for work and got to hang with EH, see my parents, and many a blast from my scientific past. I felt very sheepish that I have not done a post-doc. It was good to see everyone, though.
e. I tried to OD on cable TV, leading to much sleep deprivation. The Sheryl Crow cover of "Here Comes the Sun" in "The Bee Movie" is gorgeous and the whole premise of "Open Water 2" is hilarious, and "Almost Famous" is even better than I remember it.
I used to only like the movie for the "Tiny Dancer" scene but now, there is so much more to love. Perhaps in part due to my tour nostalgia.
"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool."
"Now go do your best. 'Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.' Goethe said that. It's not too late for you to become a person of substance..."
I want to become a person of substance. I think that I kinda know what that means too, but not really.
And when Penny Lane turned to William Miller and twinkled her fingers saying "You are home." I felt so homesick. I cannot tell you.
f. People in the conference industry in downtown Chicago are damn good at their jobs. Damn good. They are may not be the nicest and you may be asked to pay for each and every calorie that they expend on your behalf. But they reach a level of excellence in execution that is a real delight. Totally worth the expenditure.
g. Which brings me to what I've been obsessing over off and on, the economy. What is selling short? Why would anyone do such a thing? And why is it a good thing? Who is too big to fail? Why has the price of oil been so high? What is a financial derivative? Why did Lehman Brothers tank? Why would AIG's financial status be of national concern? What is commercial paper? Is anyone making money right now?
I stumbled on this audio piece on "This American Life" titled: "The Giant Pool of Money." Which basically describes the story of subprime loans and the housing bubble. *Ach* Makes me mad and heartsick.
h. It seems that for many of the single women in the circle of my acquaintance that love is going awry. Lotta guys out there who apparently need a break. Poor babies. Is it the market?