Wednesday, September 05, 2007

ears tuned slightly to the left

Despite my disappointment with my late night screening of Xanadu, the radio in my head was blasting that movie soundtrack last week. And today for some reason the internal music network is fixated firmly on that song by Belly: Feed the Trees.

Except that I have been mishearing the lyrics in my head.

The song goes: "I know all this and more."

In my head the lyrics are: "I want all this and more."
That's been my problem all along. I want all this and more.
Probably exacerbated by the fact that I don't really know what I want and so I ask for everything.

And those of you who know me, know that I really have a hell of a lot. Too much, even.

But my desire stretches beyond things to intangibles.

I turn 37 in a month. Mortality pokes me in the ribs and reminds me that time is short and I am no spring chicken and what the hell have I been doing lately anyway?

I am not comfortable with this number although MH told me yesterday that 37 is good a number numerologically. A prime number whose digits are also prime numbers. The thought gives some comfort to my noisy head. A prime number. Not a multiple. It is indivisible into equal integer values. It is a number to be considered as a whole as an irreducible factor in itself. Looked at from that vantage, maybe it won't be so bad. But it just seems like a grown up number. A big number.

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